Job Interview

Back in 1956 I went in for an interview to get a job at the Big Boy. I sat down and the manager of the store started asking me a bunch of questions. I wrote down a transcript of our interview just in case I'd want to put it on some crazy invention called the internet one day.

Manager: Hello, my name is Ronald Sampton. I'm going to ask you a few questions to see if your qualified to work here.

Me: Okey dokey

Manager: Have you had any previous job experiene?

Me: Army private 14 years, I just quit last fall.

Manager: And what was your reason for quitting?

Me: I got rich off the lotto and didn't need a job anymore.

Manager: Then why do you need this job if your rich?

Me: I need something to keep me busy and out of the sun.

Manager: I will always love you.

Me: And I will always love charleston chew.

It ended up I wasn't interviewing at the Big Boy at all, I was talking to a hooker at the bus station. I made sweet love to that hooker for 40 long seconds and then I went down to the river docks and asked Old Frankie if I could have a piece of saltwater taffy. Taffy was much saltier in those days due to the Salt Boom of 51'. We would put salt in everything. Our meat, our pie, our meat pies, our pies of meat, our meat with a side of pie, our mince, and pie. Well I invented the number 3.14, but I lost it to the third reich. Then I headed down Lichtenstein where I heard donut holes were 3 for a dollar. Actually it was Little Lichtenstein in New York. Actually it was Marty Lichtenstein's old shop over on 43rd. It mattered that you always wore a white and brown dress on Labor Day's eve just to piss of the kaiser. Then when I went to Marty's I bought some pi. But it wasn't the good pie like on 43rd. And that pie certainly wasn't as good as Ol' Marty's delicious pie. I have a telemarketer on the line, so I have to go.